10 Days and 10 Ways to Celebrate Mom!
This Mother’s Day will be unlike any we have ever experienced. Mothers of all ages and stages are heroes right now. The alarm goes off and she hits the ground running. Oh, sure, maybe that’s an indoor, treadmill sort of running these days, but it doesn’t stop. She’s on the go, especially during these likely-to-never-be-seen-again-in-our-generation times.
But if she or those around her don’t put on the brakes here and there, it’s not going to be pretty.
So let's recenter ourselves by backing up a little and getting some perspective on the origin of motherhood.
Did you know that in Genesis 3:20, Adam named his wife Eve because she would become the mother of all the living?
What an honor: the mother of all the living. Eve’s Hebrew name is Chavah or Havah which actually means “to breathe, to live or give life." Eve as the first female, the first mother literally means "living."
I. Love.This.
So, for the mothers in your life who’ve been keeping everyone else alive (and maybe on the verge of killing someone), here are 10 days and 10 ways you and your family can celebrate Mom this Mother’s Day. (And if you’re a mother yourself, feel free to pass this to your own spouse and children as a friendly hint.)
1. Speak Words of Life. Tell mom what you like or love about her. Kids sometimes know exactly how to communicate how they feel simply and truthfully. If they don’t, coach them a bit. “Tell Nana what you love about her, Austin.” Tell mom something you caught her doing that made you smile. It may seem insignificant, but it struck you as “so mom.” Make a list of “acknowledgments” like the credits after a movie. Write them down or go around the table and, one after the other, acknowledge her. Be specific. She wants to be genuinely acknowledged, dare I say, known by her family.
Share words of life in a card, place notes around the house, write a cute message on the mirror with a bar of soap or sticky notes, FaceTime, Zoom—any way you can, use words to breathe life into Mom. Oh, and say "thank you." All moms need to be thanked, and not just on Mother’s Day.
2. Give. When Mom says she doesn’t want anything, here’s what she’s really saying: “I don't have time to think about what I want” or “Thinking about what I want feels like another item on the To-Do List." Even if it’s flowers from your own garden or a song that is totally mom (a blast from the past), pick them or play it. Take them (even if it’s taking them to virtual stores online) to find a gift. Dads, this is huge if you’re divorced. Don’t hurt your children by not helping them honor their mother. Help them think through, “You might like that, but I wonder if Mommy would.” Don’t do the work for them. Take them. Guide them. We’re teaching them to think of others and actually do something about it. They’re not just going to know how to do this, you have to do it with them and lovingly coach along the way. Give Mom something that conveys you know a little something about her.
3. Feed Her. Let’s talk food. Mothers like to eat, so get the woman her favorite food. On that day, it’s Mom’s pick. If she typically makes a lot of the decisions in this area, narrow down some options for her, otherwise it’ll feel like she’s got the weight of deciding even on Mother’s Day. If you can’t go out, order in. If you can cook, make a meal. If you and the kids can’t cook, pull together a simple picnic indoors or out!
4. Clean Up. My girlfriend and I have twin cards that say, “I dreamed my whole house was clean.” Mom wants to smell the clean. She’d like you to not only do the dishes, but thoroughly wipe the counter and wipe out the sink after all the dish soap has gone down the drain. She’d like the floor swept. She about pukes when she sees little (or big) boys’ urine on the toilet seat, or steps in it around the toilet. She’d love to see her family whipping that place into shape. (Thought: Maybe do the cleaning just before Mother’s Day. It’ll make the day far more enjoyable.)
5. Give Her Time. Moms need a break. Moms, whether they have infants, toddlers, or teens, want time away. Give them time to have a long, hot shower or bath. Give Mom time to sleep in, take a nap, or read a book. Give Mom time to go for a long drive (and not to the grocery store), or walk. Moms with older kids want time with those kids. I heard of one adult daughter who showed up outside her mother's window at the nursing home during COVID-19, and the two talked for a good, long time while keeping their distance. I can only imagine how that mother must have felt to have her adult daughter go to those lengths to connect “live” with her aging mom. Can’t do live? Put away the distractions, sit and give mom your full attention, even if the phone’s the only way.
6. Pamper Her. See, here’s what you need to know: Mom wasn’t always a mom. She wasn’t always “Mom” with milk coming out of her, sticky sauce on her outfit and stress about your whereabouts. She’s a woman. She wants to feel beautiful. Help her feel like a woman again. Set up the bathroom like a spa. Bubbles, scents, candles, soft music (her kind of music), the nicest towels, a face mask, and allow her to pamper herself, to just soak in it all. Allow her to tweeze her eyebrows and shave her legs. Let her pull out a new foot file to sooth her overworked, overlooked feminine feet.
7. Let the Woman Sleep. Most Mommas are managing the household, home schooling, (during COVID-19 or not), running point on extra-curriculars, giving remedial lessons, spiritual lessons, housekeeping lessons, be-a-decent-person lessons, while also managing an occupation. She’s exhausted! Let her sleep in and/or have a nap on Mother’s Day. Here was the best advice I received as a new mother: when baby sleeps, Mommy sleeps. You may think that sounds u 6nreal. Out of touch. No, it’s not, especially during those first few weeks if she’s the one getting up at night.
8. Martyr Be Gone! Last year, a woman showed up at my home one night all out of breath and frustrated. She then declared, “That’s it! I’m 75 years old and it’s time for me to slow down. I hosted two meals on Easter—brunch and dinner. I did all the cooking.” Martyrdom is ugly, especially when it’s self-imposed. Mom may need help being served. If she’s the one always cooking the meals, for that one day (at the very least), help her let go. For the modern woman, cooking may not be the martyr issue. If she’s the one always managing everything, on that one day, don’t let her. And after Mother’s Day, address why she’s the one always doing everything. Here’s a gift idea: a counselling session to dive into that topic. (On second thought, maybe that’s not the best gift for Mother’s Day.)
9. Forgive Mom. I know, I know, you have nothing to forgive Mom for. Right. She’s a gem of a being, a real angel. No. She’s not. If you really love her and have a thriving relationship with her—awesome! Keep it going. But, if in that terrific relationship you secretly harbor anger (you roll your eyes when she goes on and on about boring, or small, or annoying things, or she never asks you questions), but, you’d never actually admit this offends you, and would take down the first person who suggest she’s anything but gold—think again. As a gift to yourself and to her, go to God and forgive her. “Father, she knows not what she does.” Now, if your Mom’s a nasty one—she’s abusive, negligent, walked away, is tough as nails, whatever, dear one, get on your knees. Tell God how much she has hurt you and forgive that mother of yours. Whether she’s alive or dead, do yourself a favor: forgive her. (This is between you and God, not necessarily outwardly between you and Mom. And in all cases, know this: forgiveness is a process. Be gracious with her, and with yourself.)
10. Celebrate! Plan a little. Don’t ask her, “What would you like to do?” Come with a couple of thoughts prepared. We moms say things like, “Don’t worry about it” or "Don’t make a fuss.” Frankly, a little fussing on Mother’s Day is in order. As far as you’re able, get her to her happy place. (My family knows, this mama’s happy place is the city, but I may not necessarily want to be there on that day. I may need a long nap instead.) If this is your first Mother’s Day without your mom, it’s a tender time. Spend time celebrating and remembering Mom with others who knew her. Post about her on social media. Celebrate her love of a certain flower, perfume or phrase. Laugh about her quirks, her repeated stories, her attention to details, her support of you, her smile. Celebrate something good and meaningful.
There’s at least one thing every one with a mother has in common: she gave you life. She either carried you in the womb, or she carried you on her hip. But at a bare minimum, by God’s grace, she gave you life. So choose at least one thing from the list to love and surprise her with. And pray. Pray that,
She is clothed with strength and dignity; she can laugh at the days to come. — Proverbs 31:25
Share this with someone who could use this today. Happy Mother’s Day!